SoulFuL

Why do I stay up late working?

I don’t get paid for it, yet.

Why do I stay up stressed?

because sleeping easy isn’t an option right now.

Why do I wake up early?

To go back to work

Why am I always tired?

because I am striving to rest my head

Do I dream?

no, I envision

What do I see?

Success

Will I acheive it?

Yes, by any means necessary.

How?

Late nights and early mornings.

Sometimes on these late nights I sit up and think about what has happened. I’ve been searching for a sign or something to let me know which way to go. I’ve been holding out for someone I know will never come along. Too often we are told to just “let it go” but it isn’t always that simple. To have something one minute and lose it the next is one of the worst feelings one may experience. The experience of loss.

Normally, I might post about the problem, or post about the person. but tonight I’m feeling different.

There’s only one thing I need to know:

When is it time to let go?

thinking of ways to make this all work.

But it seems as though I am hitting a wall, something like writer’s block

I know the only way to go is forward, but all I can do is think about what’s behind

It’s not easy, when very few understand exactly what you are trying to do. 

You have to be able to sacrifice short-term happiness for long term happiness.

I hope I don’t lose friends, but if they are really ‘friends’ they will understand the grind

and appreciate the movement.

Just thoughts. 

I am running out of room for improvement. 

I spoke with the big homie Billy Ivan today and cleared all of the lame shit I was thinking about up. He helped me realize that waiting around for people is like trying to win the lottery without buying a scratch off. When you want to do something major in life, you have to keep a clear head and focus on your goal. 

This is why you should only have a few friends. 

They keep you grounded and focused

Realest shit I ever wrote chillin in my maybach, 8 tracks episodes been doin’ this since way back

I will probably post the track because big homie Jay went off.

I wake up and go downstairs and not too far from the kitchen is my mom standing there looking at me in a funny way. It’s a look I’m not familiar with so I feel a little uneasy..so I ask ” what’s going on? ” and I am abruptly told ” nothing, but who told you that it was ok to walk in my house at six in the morning? ” and I find myself puzzled because I could have swore that I went to sleep around one or two. So as I am backtracking in my mind, I am noticing that my mom is clearly mistaken. Before I can reply she says ” Wait, hold on, the person I saw was light-skinned ” she pauses for moment and then turns her head awkwardly to the side, stares off into space and says ” Oh yeah that was me…it was a dream.” 

So I was able to take two things out of this whole dialogue:

- I, apparently, am not the crazy one

                        and

- I can even get in trouble when I am sleeping.

Damn.

Cold World. 

Sometimes I’m left thinking about the world. I wonder what my purpose is and what I was put here to do.

That’s when I reflect on people from the past, who visualized the future. Then  I realized that my purpose is whatever I want it to be and I must allow myself to achieve it..by ANY means necessary.